Madonna

Hard Candy













Madonna is exactly one week older then me.She is probably one of the beautiful women in the world.

So,it's not that I don't like older women.One of the great advantages of getting up there in age is that you find mature women more and more attractive.

To put it another way,let's-just for the shits and giggles-compare a woman's beauty to an apple.Actually,this is a great metaphor.Even though most Biblical scholars consider the pomegranate 'the' forbidden fruit...all the rest of us Bozo's think of the tempting fruit as our apple.

Now,there is a certain appeal to a nice young green apple.Everyone loves to bite into a beautiful crisp,tart green apple.Yum...Mmmmm.

But,in reality,this green apple has very limited uses.It is the fully mature red apple that is just so juicy and delicious.Aah,just thinking about biting into a fully mature red apple,it's juice rolling down your chin...nothing better.

And the multiple uses of the 'at it's peak' apple.Slice it,dice it,put it in salads,dip it in caramel.It is used in other products as a sweetener....just like a beautiful woman...it's am amazing multi-tasker.

In fact,nothing can diminish the fantastic beauty of this sensuous fruit except for when it pretends to be less then it is...when it dresses up as a green apple.

That is why-though I commend Madonna for showing us her true self-on the photos in the liner notes and on the cover,I feel these latent dominatrix photos weaken her image of a very fantastically sexy cougar.

Take these two pictures of famed silent screen movie star Gloria Swanson.

I think Madonna imagines herself in these photos looking like this....













...when,in reality,she looks more like this!

I only mention this because I find Madonna overly sexy,talented and in league I will never ever even hope to attain.She has more balls then most men ..and who am I-the no talent that I am-to question her visual and musical making decisions?

I am a buyer of her product,that's who.Not only a buyer,but a reviewer.if Madonna is going to pitch a product,it is my(if you can't do:review)duty to voice my opinion.

All this tirade leads to my review of the first song on the cd,'Candy Shop'.I know she wishes to come across on this song as the ruthless White Witch.But,to me,she comes across more like the old witch in the story of 'Hänsel and Gretel'....It's like biting into an old mushy apple...ugh!

It's humorous actually.

And that sets the tone for the whole cd.

It's a shame,because there are some really good Madonna songs,here.But it's hard to take them seriously.These include,'Give It 2 Me',The Kate Bush inspired,'Miles Away',and,'Heartbeat'.

'She's Not Me',I like and,yet,don't.Just what is this song about,lost love,Sean Penn?'

'Dance 2nite' has a positive message,but reminds me of John Lennon's message in,'Imagine','Imagine no possessions'/'You don't have to be rich and famous...'easy for the rich to spout.

'Spanish Lesson' is good,but the song hints at using a pungi
,the snake charmer flute.Aaah,if only it would have.

I think that in some ways,'Devil Wouldn't Recogize You',is the most honest song on the cd.

All & all,if you like Madonna,you will enjoy,'Hard Candy'.If you don't,you won't.

B+